THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED

 

Yung Pueblo quote: What’s meant for you will sometimes feel scary, risky, and new. Easy and calm doesn’t always mean you’re going in the right way. The biggest rewards usually come from having the guts and perseverance to create your own path.

A friend shared this quote with me one morning while I was having my breakfast. It is in regard to a difficult decision she had to make. She choose a hard path in the hope of getting the results she longed for, and it worked out really well for her. It really got me thinking.

I used to think that if it felt right then that was my indication that I was on the right path. Choosing a path that you know will be hard, goes against logical thinking. It suggests that you’re going the wrong way. Don’t enter here. Despite this, I know that looking back, I have felt compelled to make some difficult decisions in my life. Things that were very hard for me to do. I began to wonder what it was that compelled me to go down that road.

I GOT MAD

I have long had a fear of driving long distances by myself. It doesn’t help that I also deal with anxiety which added to my fear. I didn’t trust myself to get were I wanted to go. I didn’t trust the world to aid me if something happened. Then the day came when I really wanted to attend a writing retreat that was an 8 hour drive to get to. Damn.  I asked around to see if anyone wanted to come with me, but it seemed that I was on my own. I either passed up this wonderful opportunity, or bite the bullet and go. I was tired of being afraid of the things I wanted to do, so I pulled myself together and made plans to attend the retreat. It wasn’t easy. I did get lost once and had to ask for directions. The rain poured down when I was close to my destination. Then it snowed. Trees were down, there was no electricity all weekend, and we couldn’t flush the toilets. It was incredible to see how the lodge owners just took it all in stride and dealt with everything as though this was normal. They even cooked us sumptuous meals on their gas stove and we ate by candlelight. It turned out to be an incredible experience. And I might have missed it because I was afraid. I still fear travelling long distances by car, but now I do it anyway. I make sure I know where I’m going, take snacks with me, bring my phone along, and sometimes I’ll stay overnight with a friend on the way to where I'm going to break up the trip. Getting mad was a real motivator for me. 

BEING CHALLENGED

When I started writing my second novel, Gift of the Loon, I was worried because it was set in 1917. What did I know about life in 1917? I know what it takes to put a book together, but this seemed beyond me. I began to wonder whether I was making a mistake in trying to write an historical fiction novel. Then my son said to me, "So, you’re not going to do it because it’s hard?” Ouch! Did I really want to set a poor example to my son? Of course not. So I set out to piece together my story, but after 60 pages I was stuck, and I couldn’t get unstuck. I was paralyzed by the reality that I didn’t really know what I could and couldn’t do when writing historical fiction. After some time passed, I got the idea to get in touch with a well-known historical fiction writer to ask for his guidance. I mean, what did I have to loose?  I was surprised when he said yes, and invited me to his house the following week in Toronto. Whoa! Now I have to point out here that this would mean not only traveling the three hours it would take to get to Toronto, but also taking the subway from Union Station to his home. Yikes. I have always feared the subway. I hadn’t a clue what the heck I needed to do, and it didn’t help that I have a penchant for getting lost. Ask anyone who knows me. Although my son unfurled the mystery of the subway system for me, I was still nervous of ending up in the sticks with no way back. But I went anyway, and guess what, I did find my way despite my nervousness.  I spent the morning with Mr. Gillmor discussing how he approaches his writing, and do you know what, I never had a single bit of trouble after that. He was also kind enough to agree to read my first draft and offer his critique. It was thrilling to know that he liked what I was doing. So being challenged by my son was a good kick in the butt I needed. Reaching out and not being afraid to ask for help went a long way to achieving my goal of writing Gift of the Loon, my best book to date.

A MOMENT OF CLARITY

One of the hardest things I have ever done was take university courses. It meant both travelling long-distance to get to my classes, and having do deal with my acute anxiety to get me into the classroom. Not only that, I have a hearing loss that created visions of me sitting there with no clue to what was being said. And let’s not even consider the thought of sitting in a classroom full of 200 students who were way younger than me. All of it was over the top scary. I tried and failed on three different occasions over the years to go university. The fact that it kept turning up tells you a lot about the importance of this event in my life.

The thing that made the third time around lucky, was not luck at all, but timing. I had a friend who encouraged me to do it. Yet on that first day of school, I was a absolute mess. My anxiety was full-blown and I didn’t think I could go through with it. What saved the day, and me, was that my friend offered to go with me. She dropped everything to go to that first class with me. Can you imagine? No-one has ever done anything like that for me before. She even agreed to leave right away so I wouldn’t have a chance to change my mind, even though the class was much later in the day. I experienced this moment of absolute clarity – This was something I really wanted to do and my friend was willing to help me make it happen. It was now or never, so I dived in. We spent the afternoon sitting by the river talking, waiting for the evening class to begin my very first university course. I remember the elation I felt after completing my first exam. I was living my dream. Of course, I had to attend classes by myself after that, but I was able to do it because I had broken the cycle of fear.

A COMMON THREAD

As I look back at the three examples I have shared with you, I can see a common thread appear. With each difficult road I have had to travel in order to achieve my ideal outcome, it was because it was something I deep down just absolutely wanted with all my being to achieve. I think the hardest part is actually making the decision. Once you can think past the fear and uncover your deepest desires you are able to take the steps you need to achieve what you once thought impossible. I think once you do, you will be surprised at the outcome. I know I was, every single time.